Birthday Lists
by Aira1
Summary: XENOSAGA fic. Momo's first birthday. Please R&R.


Birthday Lists  
  
A/N: My first Xenosaga fic. Spoiler-free, I think. Set right before Cathedral Ship.  
  
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I like puppies and kittens, flowers and stars and hearts, soft beds and new dresses.  
  
I was making a birthday list. Shion had suggested it-she told me that I should make a list of all the things that make me happy, and then maybe I would get a present from the Elsa crew for my birthday. It's a special birthday, my first birthday. And since Mommy and Daddy can't be here to celebrate with me, I would rather be here with my new friends, writing about the things that make me happy and thinking about those things, too.  
  
Shion brushed my hair today as I lay in the maintenance bed. It's not a very comfortable bed, and I didn't like being direct-linked to the computers as they ran diagnostic tests on me. It makes me feel bad. I know I should just get used to it. And at least Shion was there too, brushing my hair and humming to herself. She seemed really happy, and she's really pretty, especially when she's happy like that. She pulled back my hair into two pigtails on either side of my head and bound them with elastic bands with plastic beads on the ends.  
  
"There you go, Momo!" she said. "You look really cute now! Just like a birthday girl."  
  
I had to wait for her to unplug me from the machine before I got up. My access ports are in my arms underneath my long sleeves and in my back. I don't like anybody to see them, but Shion is sort of like a Realian doctor so I just pulled down my sleeves really quickly.  
  
I like songs and poems, dancing and singing and looking out at all the stars on a big, white ship.  
  
My birthday list was going so well. I left the maintenance bay to try and go find other things to put on it. Shion had to take care of KOS-MOS after me, and I knew that KOS-MOS was way more important than me to Shion. Shion's like KOS-MOS's mommy. When KOS-MOS is in the room, Shion only really looks at her, and her eyes are really wide and they shine really bright. They don't look at me at all then. I don't think anybody looks at me like that.  
  
Thinking that made me stop and put that into my birthday list.  
  
I like bright eyes and flushed cheeks.  
  
I walked into the Elsa restaurant, hoping maybe to find something to eat. Tony was the only one in there. He was sprawled in a booth with a cyberzine output on his handheld. He was asleep though. He smelled funny. I crept over to him and peeked at what he was reading. There were pictures of girls on there. They weren't wearing many clothes. I think they were human, but they could've been Realian. They were all very beautiful, like Shion and KOS-MOS, and like Mommy. Looking at them, I wanted to look like that, too. Their cheeks were all flushed and their mouths open. But there were tears in their eyes, too. That also reminded me of Mommy. But I didn't want to look like that. Whenever there are tears in my eyes, I just feel sad and empty inside. And birthdays are happy things. Why would Tony look at girls who were crying?  
  
I still wanted to look for more things for my birthday list, so I left the restaurant and went to the room I shared with Shion. It's a really, really big cabin, not like the one that all the crewmembers shared together or the one that Ziggy had. Shion was still in the maintenance bay with KOS-MOS, but Allen was there. He comes by a lot. I think he likes Shion. He looked at me and smiled a little bit. "Hi there, Momo. Whatcha up to?"  
  
"It's my birthday today, so I'm making a birthday list!" I told him.  
  
"That's nice. Maybe Ziggy will buy you something nice when we reach Second Miltia," he said a bit distantly. He wasn't looking at me anymore. His eyes moved all around the cabin, searching. Then they stopped and looked back at me. "Do you know where Shion is?"  
  
"She's in the maintenance bay with KOS-MOS."  
  
"Oh." I saw his shoulders slump a little bit and his face redden a little. "I see. Well, I'm going to go grab something to eat. Seeya later, Momo."  
  
He walked out. I watched him leave. What I really don't understand is that if he really does like Shion, why does he look so sad all the time? I don't think I've ever seen Allen smile before. And I thought love was a happy thing. I always imagined it would feel just like sunshine in my tummy.  
  
But that day, it didn't feel like sunshine at all-that day when I realized that I could love, too. That day when he cared to know my real name, when he bent over me and held me to protect me from the fire, when he complimented me and I felt my cheeks turn red and my lips part. And I'm sure at that moment, my eyes were shining like stars, too. It didn't feel anything like sunshine. It felt more like ether energy, sweeping through my insides and pouring out of my ears, eyes, and mouth. That sounds really silly, not logical, or anything like what a Realian should say.  
  
But-he'd told me that I was different. Because of the purity of my heart. He'd told me that. And I've been filled up with happiness ever since. Even though Mommy and Daddy are really far away, I'm not too lonely anymore. Even right then when I stood there in the cabin that Shion and I shared, all alone, I didn't feel too lonely at all.  
  
I like sunshine and warmth, pillows, hugs, arms wrapped around me. I like feeling safe even when there are bad guys trying to get me. I like being happy and making others happy, even when it doesn't look like there's anything to be happy about. I like secrets and smiles and pigtails.  
  
I'd finished my list by then. Most of it wasn't anything I could get as a present, after all, but that was okay, I thought. Shion wouldn't mind. So I took it to Shion down in the hangar and told her that I'd seen Allen.  
  
She turned her face away from KOS-MOS, blinking. "Allen? Well, I'll go see him later." She read the list after I'd transferred it over to her handheld and she smiled in a mysterious little way. "Hmmm.. Well, Momo, it looks like you're in luck."  
  
"Huh? Why?" I asked her. But she just kept smiling, and she took my hand and we went up together to the bridge. And there, waiting for us, were all of our friends, shouting, "Surprise!" and throwing paper confetti over us. I blinked and then laughed and brushed confetti out of my pigtails.  
  
They were all there, and their faces were bright and seemed to be lit up with happiness-Captain Matthews, stuffing his face with a cake covered in blue icing that chaos brought from the mess for me, Tony, woken up at last, Hammer, who offered me a popper to pull on, Shion, chaos, and even KOS-MOS! They were all there for me, little paper hats fixed on their heads, and they put one on mine, too. Shion cut a large piece of the cake for me, and it had a single candle on it.  
  
"Blow it out and make a birthday wish!" Shion told me cheerfully. I thought hard and then blew out the candle with a great puff. It was so hard it knocked the candle over. I pulled it out of the cake and licked icing off of my fingers.  
  
"That's a good omen that your wish will come true!" chaos told me. I grinned until my face hurt.  
  
And then Shion brought out a big white box. "This is from all of us, for you, Momo," she told me warmly. "Happy birthday!"  
  
The box was wrapped up in a bright ribbon. I just stared at it for a moment, locking it into my memory databanks forever, the sight of the gift as it rested in my hands. Then I unwrapped it and lifted off the top. Inside was a blue sundress.  
  
Everyone urged me to put it on. I ran back to my cabin and took off my uniform, dropping it to the ground, and I slipped on the blue dress over my head. I'm not sure what it was made of, but it was really soft and felt so comfy on me. It felt as light as air. The skirt fell just below my knees, where my white boots came up, and there were just little straps that came over my shoulders and left them mostly bare. I looked at myself in the mirror for a long time, just smiling and smiling, my bright yellow birthday hat on my head. Then I ran to go show them, but I had to go show Ziggy first.  
  
His cabin was dark. But I could tell right away that he was awake. He'd said after we left the spaceport that he hadn't been feeling well, so I'd stayed away. I hadn't seen him since then. It felt like it had been a long time. My stomach was all shaky and nervous, and I wondered if he remembered about my birthday. I let the door slide shut behind me. "Ziggy?" I said really softly.  
  
He turned on his bedside lamp and sat up. I smiled shyly and spun around for him, showing off the dress. "Look what Captain Matthews and Shion and everyone got me for my birthday! Isn't it beautiful?"  
  
"You look wonderful." His voice was always so quiet, but I could tell he was pleased. But before I could turn back around to him, his hand-the metallic cyborg one-grasped my shoulder gently, and his other, human hand put a small box into mine. I looked up at him over my shoulder, surprised, then down at the box. "This also is for you," he told me.  
  
I opened it, my fingers shaking just a little bit. Inside, on a smooth velvet pillow, was a silver necklace with a charm that looked like a star. Ziggy pulled it from the pillow with his careful fingers and reached around me to fasten it around my neck. I reached up and touched the star as it rested on the base of my throat. The small rays of the star pricked my fingertips.  
  
Hot tears then spilled down my cheeks from my eyes, but I was still smiling, somehow, and I turned to wrap my arms up around his neck, standing up on tiptoe and not letting go. He knelt down to me and put his arms around me, too, and ether energy poured from my heart all around and into the rest of me without stopping.  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
